My experience this week left me wondering if there’s a Sugar Anonymous program out there for people like me. If so, I seriously need a sponsor that I can call when I’m feeling weak, who can talk me off the sugar ledge. The plan was to eat whatever sweets I wanted on Thanksgiving Day and then get myself under control after that, but things didn’t work out as planned and I’m here hanging my head in shame.
Our Thanksgiving Day turned out to be Friday because we traveled Thursday and decided to feast on Friday instead. When we arrived at our destination it didn’t take long before I succumbed to the lure of pecans sitting on a flaky crust and floating on top of brown sugary goodness. But I have to say I only ate one piece so one point for me. On Friday I ate another piece, deduct that point I had just earned, and then later bought a fudge brownie from Panera. There is no other brownie like this brownie. It’s my favorite brownie ever, but an interesting thing happened. I took a small bite and didn’t really want it. I wound up not eating it until Saturday night and I did it because this was my dream brownie and it was insane that I didn’t want it. It certainly didn’t rock my world afterwards like I had thought it would. I also realized that I ate the pecan pie, not because I was drooling on the way to the table, because that’s just what you do on Turkey Day.
Even though I failed at my plan I should be celebrating my discovery. I’m eating these things now out of habit and not because I truly desire it. Cake after dinner, pie on Thanksgiving, Reeces Peanut butter cups because it’s Saturday and I can have whatever I want and chocolate chip cookies because well…I deserve it. Listening to this little voice in my head, trying to justify the sweets even though I no longer have a chemical dependency on them, kind of makes me sad. These are the same justifications I struggled with when I quit smoking and to be successful I had to quit and never smoke again. Does this mean I will never eat another hot melty chocolate chip cookie? I’d also have to be strong when the sugar pushers, much like the smoking pushers who want to bring you back into the fold, try to lure me with chocolate cake and chocolate covered peanuts.
I hope that I’m able to get this under control because it would be nice to have an occasional sweet thing, because the thought of never eating another sugary treat again makes me cringe in sugar junkie denial. My focus this week is to try again. Fall off the horse and get right back on right? No sweets this week until Saturday and it will be just one thing and not a binge. And it will be at night. I’ve noticed that if I eat sweets early I want to eat more all day long causing my mind to think about when my next sugar fix will be that day. Below is an interesting article I found about how sugar can have the same effects on your brain as illegal drugs do. Maybe there’s some validity to my need for a sponsor. Does anyone have the phone number to Sugar Anonymous?
http://www.lurj.org/article.php/vol1n1/sugar.xml